Overcoming The Fear Of Rejection In Electronic Music
What do labels even want these days? You’re not an amateur producer. You have been producing for years and have a degree in music production. However, most labels tend to reject your tracks and you’re not even submitting to big labels. When checking other tracks they have signed, they are basic to you and some of the mixes aren’t that great. Is it just your style that’s not what people are looking for? You only submitted to smaller labels so far - the ones less than 1K followers but being rejected even by a small label hits hard. So, you gave up submitting anything altogether.
Whether it’s to get your tracks released or land that next DJ gig, the fear of rejection is very common among DJs and producers.
You can't afford to give in to the fear of rejection. You’ll miss every shot you don't take. It’s going to stop you from putting anything out there and how can you expect to get gigs, make a living or have your music heard if you’re not putting it out there in the first place?
What is the fear of rejection?
Fear in all its forms is deeply ingrained in our psyche. It is designed to protect us from threats. The chemical reactions that happen when we are afraid to prepare our bodies for a fight, flight, or freeze response. However, without the actual threats of wild animals attacking us, our fear reactions have gone wild within our minds.
When it comes to facing fears, some people seem to be more resilient than others, but no one is exempt from it. The good news is, you can learn to become (more) resilient.
The fear of rejection comes down to the irrational belief that people won’t accept or approve of what you do. You fear you won’t belong and won’t find any connection.
What causes the fear of rejection?
The fear of rejection in electronic music can have many causes. Surely at some point, you must have had the confidence to put yourself out there, but something happened that made you feel unsuccessful.
You start to doubt yourself, feeling like you’re not good enough. You question whether or not you’re doing enough to put yourself out there and you stop taking action.
If this fear of rejection is ignored, you may start self-sabotaging and even resist change. So when you do achieve goals, it won’t bring you happiness and a sense of fulfillment.
How does rejection affect a person?
By giving in to that fear, you give yourself a way out. You don’t have to be vulnerable and thus you avoid taking emotional risks. It can lead to shame and all the feelings that come with that: frustration, anger, and even actual physical pain.
“...There’s new brain research that is helping us understand that shame can be so threatening that, rather than processing it in the neocortex—the advanced part of the brain that allows us to think, analyze and react—shame can signal our brains to go into our very primal “fight, flight or freeze” mode. In this mode, the neocortex is bypassed and our access to advanced, rational, calm thinking and processing of emotion all but disappears. The primitive part of the brain springs into action and that’s when we find ourselves becoming aggressive, wanting to run and hide or feeling paralyzed; sometimes, without any clue as to why.”
You take the negative perspective from these experiences, therefore you can let it define who you are as a DJ, music producer, or more importantly, as a person. Then you carry this negative outlook on future opportunities whenever they come our way. You have low self-esteem and become very unmotivated.
How to deal with rejection as a DJ/producer?
Have healthy boundaries set up for yourself
Boundaries are about your own behavior, not that of others. So, focus on what you can control, which is your own thoughts and behavior. When others have an opinion about you or your work, that doesn’t mean it’s a fact. Ask yourself what you’re making those opinions mean about you. Perhaps you care a little too much for what others think of you and it is time to start holding yourself accountable for that so that you’re not becoming the victim of circumstance.Stay open-minded and be careful not to give up too quickly
Whenever you are faced with rejection in electronic music, you’ll probably say things like “I feel like I’ve tried every possible route”, and “I’ve tried everything”. You’re not where you want to be, you don’t get the gigs you want or you’re not getting enough of them. Your music is not being released or your mixes aren’t getting the engagement you expected. Clearly, you have not tried everything. You can’t have tried everything because there’s no such thing. Also, you can’t know everything about everything so how can you know you’ve tried everything?
Stay open-minded so that you can keep seeing new avenues. Don’t stick your head in the sand out of fear of being turned away, rejected, or worse, not liked.Know that you’re not alone: To DJ is an act of bravery
There are many others like you out there. Consider joining a peer support group so that you can be among like-minded souls who can help you when the going gets tough. You don’t need to go through this alone. There are communities out there who provide guidance and advice. It’s just a matter of finding one you truly resonate with so that you can feel safe to open up and engage in authentic conversations. If you’re looking to talk about wellness and wellbeing in electronic music, I’ve got a community you can join so that you can take your first steps towards wellness in the dance music industry together with your peers.
Request to join here >>>
How to overcome the fear of rejection in electronic music?
The best way to start is by detecting your limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are stories we keep telling ourselves and the decisions we make based on those stories that limit the way we live.
It’s the things we heard and that we have come to believe, whether it’s things people have said about the dance music industry or about you.
Know that it’s impossible to be liked by every person you encounter. Your choice of music probably won’t go down with a billion others. All you really need, are a few people who you resonate with, a few dozens, hundreds, or maybe even thousands who love seeing you in action, who love to support you and you’re golden. Don’t compromise on your music selection if you don’t want to and remember that building something takes time.
Deep down you know there’s more you have to offer but it’s like an invisible force is stopping you from thriving in nightlife. That invisible force is probably you.
You judge yourself for it and that self-judgement is a trap you easily fall into within the dance music community. You compare yourself and your music to the competition, you secretly resent a peer for getting to play a slot at that festival you wanted and it must mean you're not good enough, you judge yourself for not knowing what you want and not making the most of your time.
Your self-judgement keeps you trapped.
It stops you from living your life freely, from putting your music out there and from seeing potential opportunities.
Understand that you are not seeing the bigger picture. If you would, you wouldn’t need to detour back into fear, the fear of not knowing. You would just feel at peace with everything that’s happening around you and within you.
So, as long as you keep falling into that trap of self-judgment, it won’t matter how many chances you get, how big your following is, or which label or company notices you and your talent. As long as you don’t let go of judgements and reframe your limiting beliefs, you won’t feel fulfilled, no matter what you have achieved.
Don’t be afraid, be a DJ (and/or producer)!
Don’t make the limiting beliefs you have about yourself or DJIng mean anything about you. Getting over your limiting beliefs will save you a lot of rejection and time if implemented properly.
“We got into the creativity business to reach people. Why would we artificially limit that? The only reason to turn up your nose at growing your audience or increasing your reach is fear. It’s easy to act superior. It’s easy to say, “I don’t care about any of that.” It’s easy to not try, because then you have a ready-made excuse.”
Remember that getting more gigs or having your music released on a label are a means to an end, not the end goal.
Do you need help with putting yourself out there?
Let’s hop on a 15-minute call and talk about your possibilities and identify where to put your energy. All we need is 15 minutes to get clarity on that! So, how much longer will you stay stuck in the same place, where you are now, knowing that you can get unstuck in just 15 minutes? Which scenario is going to be the better use of your time?
Let’s continue the conversation!
What’s 1 thing you’ll start doing today to face the fear of rejection in electronic music? Share in the comments below and let me know!